Ordinary

I have been unbelievably sad lately. I even had to make a plan with my therapist in case I want to kill myself. I cant get a loan to go to school. So it was decided today that I am not going. I hate this. It feels so unfair. I did everything I was suppose to and I cant even go away to college like so many other kids get to do. Everything in my life is like this. Always difficult and I am so sick of fighting for everything I want just to get some cheap modified version of it. I'm so angry. I am so tired. I just know that if I have to stay here in this house going to a community college, I'm probably going to kill myself.

Because I'd rather die than have some ordinary life. Some life stuck in the cornfields. Some of marriage and babies i cant afford. Some life seeing the same stupid people and places that I've had to see my whole life. Some life full of struggling to find work, struggling to make ends meet. Some life full of ordinary bullshit.

I wish I was Kanye West or a Kardashian.