Doing da nasty

Sex
Super fun
I recommend it to everybody.
Unless your not into that.
Which is totally fine too.
That's how I feel about sex.
Its something everybody makes such a big deal about but seriously after I lost my virginity, I wondered why I hadn't done it sooner. I wasn't even dating the guy I lost it too. We were just making out and it was time. I wanted to get fucked. No regrets.
That might not be how it is for you. You might have lost it too early; with the wrong person. It might be a horrible experience.
Or you could be waiting. You'll have trust and total confidence when you do it. There may be time when you're unfulfilled because one person can't be everything. But it'll be ok because you're in love and theres no such thing as bad sex and practice makes perfect.
The bottom line is. Use your mind. Use your moral compass. Use a condom.
Sex is wonderful. Don't make it ugly.
PS I know im writing this on christmas but my christmas was not too great or anywhere near inspiring and im horny
Too personal?
I don't give a fuck.
.... unless you want to give me one ;) lol

Masha'Allah

Jealousy and envy:

probably the ugliest things a person can do.

See someone who has something you want desperately and that burning seeps into your soul until you starts to rot.

I am guilty of this sin too often. I hate you because your smarter, prettier, more talented and all around have better taste then me. Ever since I was young I compared myself to everyone and usually everyone had something for me to envy. This made me who I am today. It made me a crazed for trying to show everyone I am better than them. I wanted schadenfreude. This made me ugly. This made me petty. This made me sad.

I smell the sent of my rotting soul now. I am not myself. I am not who I'm suppose to be. I am what I thought people would envy, and the worst part is no one envies me. Most people don't really like me. 

I am ugly

I am petty

I am sad.

I don't want this to be my life any more. I want to be able to look at people and accept them and all their accomplishments and fortune. I need to be able to say, "good for you. Masha'Allah" 

College BS

For a while my biggest feat was not getting into college. I applied to a bunch, 11 to be exact. Never mind that i have a 3.0 gpa, hold an after school job, take ap classes and stay involved in school, I was sure i was going to get 11 letter back starting with " we regret to inform you..."

Then yesterday I got my first to two letters, both congratulating me on my acceptance to their schools and offering me scholarships. This gives me hope for the schools I'm still waiting to hear from.

Then I start to feel like a hypocrite.

The process of getting into and going to college is ridiculous. To show colleges you are a good student, you have to have high grades and SAT scores. To look even better, you must have high AP scores. This seems like an appropriate way to judge a student, but in practice there are so many problems with it. The kids with the highest grades are the ones who cheat the most, and know how to BS the best. The SATs and AP exams are both controlled by College Board. One organization tells us which kids deserve to be in college. Should one organization really be in control of something so important as the future of all students?

Then there's the recommendations most colleges require you to send in. Would I really send in a recommendation that says I'm a bad student? Is it really possible that I couldn't find one teacher to recommend me to a school?

Then when people go to college, in my opinion they are there for all the wrong reasons. People go to school to get degrees, not to receive an education. I feel like if i could spent the rest of my life in school, never having to worry about getting a degree or a job, just spending the rest of my life reading and learning and exploring, i would do it.

I wish it wasn't so complicated to just get an education.

Ms Forcuccis fortune telling

<p>In tenth grade my teacher mrs forcucci told us to all sit on the floor and told us a story. The story was in 2nd person and every so often she would tell us to fill in the story for ourselves and write it down. When the story we talked about what our answers meant. None of mine really surprised me. Basically I'm independent and trying to find my place in the world. One prediction scared me a bit though. When faced with a body of water, in the story, I saw a puddle, and to get over it, I simply leaped. Apparently the water represented my love life. So no only is my love life shallow and small and drying up, I just think I can jump over it. As much as I don't want this to be true. It's totally plausible. I love to be alone. People get on my nerves very easily and quickly. As much as I think I would hate to have to commit myself to one person forever, I would hate it even more to be completely alone forever.
I'm probably doomed to spinsterhood.

On My Fat Ass (and I'm using ass as a synecdoche because my donk could stand a bit more bootymeat)

I'm fat.

I accept this.
I even kind of like it. This size fits me. Fat girls can have attitudes. We're expected to be loud and pushy. All in all our bodies are to be as big as our personalities. I like that. We fatties are suppose to be jolly. When I erupt with laughter, you can expect a jiggle from my belly.

What i hate is not being able to cutely sit on my boyfriends lap; knowing he could never carry me over a threshold; looking at him when we have sex and wondering if he's disgusted at how much I jiggle.

What i hate is when i go out to eat and clean my plate and just know everyone is laughing at the stereotype, then being too self-conscious to order that delicious black tie mouse cake.

What i hate is the sudden jolt of sadness I feel when out of the piles and piles of dresses me and my mother picked out at Simon's, only a minuscule amount would actually zip up. There is nothing like the hot sting of tears welling up in your eyes after you stuffed your humongous body into a dress, to come out looking like a sausaged whale, to see the expectant look of the mothers sitting outside of the dressing drop, some even stifling a laugh.

I've tried losing weight because I know it unhealthy to be obese, no matter how often I say this layer of blubber keeps me warm in winter. It's also unhealthy to hate your body though. And when I am pushed to the point to actually make my lazy, chocolate loving ass to go for a run and eat a salad, it's because I hate the dips of my cellulite and the roll hanging over my jeans and my belly's for needing substance and nose for all the delicious scents it smelling, and my eyes for seeing the food I'm bound to lust after. I want to love my body enough to take care of it but it's hard because every where is telling me the way I look isn't right and the only way to be happy is to be thin.

At least I'm pretty...

and thank god for cookies.