I'm always sad

but it makes me sadder seeing you do cute things with other girls than turn around and tell me were in a rut. I hate to be sensitive. I hate that I feel like I'm doing it anyway. I hate that I can't be away from you for to many days at a time without a terrible ache for you. I hate that I sat in my room crying this morning, not because I can't figure out how to pay for college and I'm looking at the doom of getting stuck here, but because some stupid boy. It makes me sad that I'd rather see you cheat on me than just hang out with other girls because, sex, i do understand, but damn I do not understand friendship, I guess. I don't understand that 6 am is not to early to get up to get breakfast with a friend but when I texted you later that night saying I was horny, you were too fucking tired. It makes me sad that sometimes I feel like your other woman, some dirty little secret. It makes me sad that I'm writing this instead of telling you because I don't want to talk to you about it because I don't think you should have to stop being friends with people or feel like I'm ungrateful for all the time you spend listening to me be sad and helpless and trying to help me anyway. It makes me sad that I feel like I need you way more than you need me. It makes me the most sad that I'm actually sad about all this. In any other relationship, we would have been fucking done the moment you said you're friends think I'm slutty and you still want to be friends with some bitch who talks about me behind my back.