Masha'Allah

Jealousy and envy:

probably the ugliest things a person can do.

See someone who has something you want desperately and that burning seeps into your soul until you starts to rot.

I am guilty of this sin too often. I hate you because your smarter, prettier, more talented and all around have better taste then me. Ever since I was young I compared myself to everyone and usually everyone had something for me to envy. This made me who I am today. It made me a crazed for trying to show everyone I am better than them. I wanted schadenfreude. This made me ugly. This made me petty. This made me sad.

I smell the sent of my rotting soul now. I am not myself. I am not who I'm suppose to be. I am what I thought people would envy, and the worst part is no one envies me. Most people don't really like me. 

I am ugly

I am petty

I am sad.

I don't want this to be my life any more. I want to be able to look at people and accept them and all their accomplishments and fortune. I need to be able to say, "good for you. Masha'Allah"