The most important revelation

I think my body started to realize i was going crazy from all the busy and noise surrounding me all the time. So it keeps waking my up around 3 or 4 o'clock every morning. I'm not one for getting up early but this is nice. I don't have to be up so I can lie around for a while nuzzling further into my warm pillows and snuggling up into a Caterpillar in my blankies. Then when my body inevitably ignites with energy and hunger I can get up to enjoy my lucky charms in the quiet; the beautiful still quiet. Then I can put on some Julia Nunes, because there's nothing like Ukuleles to set the tone for the day, and write. I can write like I used to, without drugs fogging up my brain.

This morning I thought sat and thought about my life. What am I doing with it? I have motivation but no direction. I'm going to college, a good college, a good college that gave me a scholarship. I had no problem getting glorious reviews from teachers in their recommendations. People believe in me. I don't know what to do with that faith. I do fine in school for the next few years, but after graduation... every thing's unknown. Sometimes because I can't see beyond that point I'm sure that that's all my life will be; that after I cross the stage to get my final college degree, I'll drop dead from sheer lack of other plans. Today though I see it doesn't matter what I do. I am what I'm suppose to be. By living in my own mind and my own body I'm all I'm ever going to be. I may change how I define and label what that is but forever this is what I have. I'm going to do whatever the fuck I feel like in life because why do anything else? My life is going to be filled with my projects and creations because that's what I am. I make things. I start projects and abandon them when I lose interest, then pick it up again when the times right. I'll make worlds out of words and finger paint and puppets and what ever else I get to down the road. And if I end up eating spaghettios for dinner every night and never getting a "real job" that will be fine because when I die I'll have done what the universe put me here for. I'm here to create.

Today I have never felt so comfortable and so confident in my entire life. Find what you are. It's a good feeling.